Somebody’s gotta do it, right?
Somebody has to shake you free from the entirely too optimistic feeling that accompanies the little gap between MLS Decision Day and the start of the playoffs — and it looks like this year, Backheeled is stepping up to the plate.
Look, we don’t really hate your team. Here at Backheeled, we love your team. And we love you. And we want you and your team to be happy and win things and be better than everyone else and live forever and ever and ever. But consider this preparation for the inevitable sadness that will set in for sympathetic viewers of the eight (or nine!) Eastern Conference playoff teams that won’t be lifting MLS Cup on December 6th.
Sure, one team from the East could win the darn thing, but we're just playing the odds here, people. We're guarding your heart so you don’t have to.
You’re welcome.
Check out the Hater’s Guide to the Eastern Conference right here:
Ben Wright
San Diego FC, 1st in the West
Why they won’t win: Because they’re not a good as the 2024 LA Galaxy or the 2023 Columbus Crew
You don’t have to look hard to find a stylistic through-line between the last two MLS Cup winners and San Diego FC. All three teams were (or are!) extremely ball-dominant outfits. Even more than their older stylistic cousins, San Diego rely on buildup play, short passes, and clever off-ball movement to get to goal and deny chances for the opposition. Their 644 passes per game are the most in the league’s data era (American Soccer Analysis’ data goes back to 2013) — last year’s MLS Cup winner ranks second in that span and 2023’s winner comes inside the top 20.
The link between quality and passes makes sense: good teams have good players, good players want to keep the ball, so good teams keep the ball. Based on style alone, then, San Diego look like a trophy-lifting outfit.
But they fall short of each of their predecessors in different ways.
